Not many people can understand how overwhelming house cleaning can be for people on the spectrum. But it can be. Since wee geek left home, his room has become a sort of catch all place for stuff in our house. It also is the place where the Best Buy guy dumps things that he doesn’t want to deal with. Especially if they are mine. So, after how ever many years of dumping stuff in there, that room was pretty overwhelming. I spent most of Saturday morning cleaning the sewing/craft room, so it was pretty squared away by the time wee geek came and declared his room worthy of FEMA funding.
Thank goodness that he came. He just started yanking things out of there and throwing things into bins, trash bags, and piles of need to go somewhere, but we don’t know where. This helped to make it a matter of just rearranging the piles of stuff. It took us most of the afternoon and me the rest of Sunday, but it got done. So, the power of two of us together made it a little less overwhelming. I had been in there several times, but it just got to me and I couldn’t get a thing accomplished. It’s just like going into other people’s houses, though. When it’s not your stuff, it’s a lot easier to see what is crap and what is not.
On Sunday morning, I went downstairs to see wee geek sleeping peacefully on the sofa. It was so surreal, seeing him there. And I expect that next week when he’s home with his girlfriend it will be even more surreal. We have talked over more of the yucky stuff about his dad and discovered that we are both pretty pissed off about the same stuff. I think the thing that annoys me the most is that the court has made a long standing policy of letting him get away with doing the least amount of things possible for wee geek. Even when wee geek lived there, I paid more in child support than he ever did and made him pay for himself too telling him that I wasn’t contributing anything. Outrageous!
So, in the midst of doing last minute Christmas stuff, the subject of our uninvited four legged Thanksgiving visitor came up. The complete inconsideration of the incident has made me very upset with both of the supposed adults in the situation. Especially with the Best Buy guy. I do not want this incident to be repeated at Christmas. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I don’t have to put up with things like this. I guess I’m tired of the inconsideration that is often given to me. As if I’m not important to him. This is not the first time that we’ve had these moments of inconsideration. I’m over it. He needs to figure it out.
So, after taking the month of December off and am ready to jummp into some editing at the beginning of the year. So, I am thinking that a zombie story will be out before the summer. I think the ghost story will be out pretty quickly after that. I expect to have the mothman story ready before the end of next year. It seems like such an unbelievable moment, but it’s feeling more attainable, now. Amazing and very surreal, but absolutely attainable.
We saw the new Sherlock Holmes this weekend, too. I was so disappointed. In the first movie, you had these delicious glimpses of how an autistic brain works. In this movie, they almost overdosed you on it. After you’ve seen Sherlock think through every move in a fight before it happens, you don’t need to see it five more times in this movie. There was the one nice little moment of the alone-ness actually sinking in and Sherlock almost touching that his own personality was the root of the issue. There was one more little moment of the crowd overwhelming him during a dance and only being able to pick out little bits that are not useful at all. Showing those moments of trying to filter all of the confusion of sensory input is so wonderfully done. It’s so hard to explain to people that this is how our brains work.
Wee geek and I had a discussion of trying to explain to others different aspects of being on the spectrum. It is very difficult to do. People do not understand thinking in pictures. People do not understand how the patterns in things just pop out. Especially if they can’t see them. Sometimes I feel like I see the patterns and it’s an eternity before anyone else gets them. I am constantly reminded of watching “Alphas” and seeing the main character see electromagnetic and data input. This is what it is like for me when I see the patterns in things.
I am looking forward to the surrealness of Christmas to come. It is the first Christmas with Wee geek back in our lives. I feel the strain with the Best Buy guy as he tries to figure out where his place is again. He acts as if everything has changed. It hasn’t. It’s just been added to. My soul feels complete again. Which is something that I think he wishes he could have done, but he couldn’t. He tried. He just wasn’t that successful. He helped me to forget the hole was there occasionally, but then it would open up again and swallow me whole like a gigantic shark with no ability to guage when it is full. He had no way to deal with the depression inside of me. Now, he cannot always understand the anger inside of me. I feel so stommped upon by a system that should have protected my son and I but instead put him in the arms of an abuser that I had worked so hard to keep him away from.
So, onward we march to the insanity of the season. I’m sure that I will be only partially insane by the time it is all over. But it will be blissfully surreal because of the presence of wee geek.
Autie Zombie Girl: 