Notes From the Trenches of the Fear Project

Hello minions. We are deep in the middle of the Fear Project. I am amazingly still alive. It is now week 8. The challenges have been interesting. Some more challenging than others. Some have left me scratching my head at the results. But I am still alive. So far, the most challenging entry has been the villain one. I don’t do villains. I do great survivors. Snarky ones. Ones that are perhaps so deep in the heart of survival that the snarky is sometimes viewed as over compensation.

I’ve felt like everything that I’ve written for the Fear project has been good. I’ve been fairly sure and proud of it. Every week I hold my breath on Sunday as I send in the entry and every week I hold my breath until the next Friday when the all powerful David Wellington makes his decision and eliminates someone else. That sounds so final. Elimination. Yikes! I live in great fear that some Friday my name will be there. I guess that’s the point. The fear of it.

It’s all about the validation of it, isn’t it? Deep down inside that’s what we all crave. As writers, as people. I hope that there is some altruism in it all. Discovering an up and coming horror writer and all. I’ve been amazed at some of the stories. And shook my head at others. Every week I analyze every comment, every story. I read the posts that David leaves on the website a thousand times looking for clues. What’s he looking for? What’s next? And then I laugh at my obsession of it all.

I keep trying, though. I still am sending out stories. Not as many as I’d like. And here on the precipice of April, I have yet to sell anything. This balancing of day job life and working writer life is very difficult. I want to just throw up my hands and barrel into doing nothing but writing. And creating. I did manage to finish a couple of crochet projects. I always feel this way as Spring begins to creep into our lives once more. It is way too slow in coming this year. Just as we got our first breath of warm weather, BAM six inches of snow. AGAIN. I felt like crying. I always feel trapped in this space of time between winter and spring. I am truly influenced by the rebirth of things in the Spring. It feels like creativity is stagnant until the warmth begins again. And then it jumps out at me and runs away with me. Spring always feels like an insane flurry of creativity for me. I can hardly keep up most of the time. I hope this spring proves to be the same. I look forward to that little bit of insanity. It feels exciting. Like something is about to happen. It’s that same feeling of anticipation.

So dearest minions, keep reading and keep commenting. Keep validating me! The insanity will be over soon!