Welcome To My Nightmare Roller Coaster Ride To Hell and Back


My faithful darlings, here we are once again. You my faithful reader and me needing to vent because life sucks in general sometimes, and I seem to have a somewhat captive if not compelled audience. So this week has been full of some interesting highlights. Went to Chicago for a conference for work. Got my very first story, “Push Button, Get Bacon” read by the indomitable Nelson Pyles on his podcst the Wicked Library. Which you can follow this link to. 

http://www.hipcast.com/podcast/Hwtlgmz4

A few years ago, one of my first blog posts way back when was my first exposure to working in a cube farm and working out social issues. I’m at it again. Working in a new office and trying to figure out the social bullshit. I feel very overwhelmed with it most days. You will note, that I figured it out way back then. I’m feeling less confident that I will figure out this new situation. It is full of people who don’t communicate and who communicate in very cryptic ways. I thought I was at least keeping my head above the water until yesterday.

I have to imagine the conversation that happened before this. The assistant director, the director, and the HR person all on the phone (conference call, of course). “Well, you know, she said something very weird last week.”

“What was that?”

“Well, she said that she writes zombie stories so that she doesn’t have to eat the real children.”

Just think about that for a minute. I’ll pause while you let that sink in. Got it?

Okay. So then I get yanked into a sit down with the director and the HR person where another odd conversation takes place. Much odder than the one that they are “not officially writing you up” for.

“It’s come to our attention that you have some outside activities. We’ve found out you write zombie stories.”

I’m thinking, yeah, big fucking secret. I have zombies plastered all over my facebook page, my author page and I freaking put it on my resume that I’m a published author. When asked in the interview, I told them. Apparently the problem comes when someone asked me why I write THOSE kind of stories. My normal smartass whydoyouasksuchfuckingstupidquestions response is because I work with preschoolers all day. Zombies love preschoolers, taste like chicken.

“So, someone told us that when asked you said that you write zombie stories so that you don’t have to eat real children.”

Are you letting that sink in? Did no one’s ridiculous button go off here? I mean, seriously? You are pulling me in here to talk to me about whether or not I might eat children?! We are talking about the fucking zombie apocalypse and that I might eat a child?!!!

I was flabbergasted. I know, that in typical autiezombiegirl style, my face went completely blank while my brain was trying to cope with the overwhelming astronomical amount of freaking stupidity involved with this. So they ask me if I understand. I nod. Then they ask me if I have any questions. I shake my head no. Then they ask me if I’m okay. I ask to leave. Later, my boss has the audacity to come in trying to joke with me. When they just told me that people with senses of humour are not allowed in our workplace.

I don’t know. I guess I’m just getting to the point where I no longer care enough about separating all these little personas that I have to carry out. I can put on my work brain and go to work every day, but there is a tiny piece of that work brain that wants to just stay home and write all day every day. I’m starting to make some headway with this and I really want to do this. I think I’m good and if The Wicked Library and the publisher and most people that have read my stuff are any indication at all, then maybe just maybe I have a chance. I want to write. I want to have purple hair. I want to not worry about anyone else’s cryptic communication. This wasn’t my first dance at the HR Rodeo because I’m weird. It won’t be my last. It makes me increasingly unhappy to have people point out that I’m weird in a bad way, because I’m not. I’m weird in exactly the right way for me. So I resent anyone who does not appreciate my uniqueness. I struggle with this.

So, go listen to the podcast of “Push Button, Get Bacon”. It’s on iTunes and Stitcher Radio. The Wicked Library. Just goes to show that my life is truly yin and yang. I get this great podcast out and I have trouble at work. Sigh……

Damn the Mayans and Other Post Apocalyptic Arguments


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Here we are dear readers, in the post Mayan Apocalypse. How’s it treating you? Is it everything you thought it would be? Frankly, I’m disappointed. I thought there would be more zombies. I was also looking forward to not having to deal with the Unemloyed Husband asking me about my New Year’s Resolutions. I’m not a fan of these. I don’t really understand setting a goal at the beginning of the year so that you have an entire year to look forward to screwing it up. I can do that every day. I don’t need a special day for that.
I’m not opposed to goal setting. I have lots of goals. I’ve set a few this last year that have actually been realised. As humans, we need to set goals. We set goals to give ourselvess something to look forward to and something to strive for. I gave up on goals for awhile and it feels pretty good to have them again. One thing about not having goals is that you sit and wait for things to happen to you instead of making things happen for yourself. I’m glad that I’m not doing that anymore. It was hard to break out of my comfort zone and figure out how to be myself. Being myself meant figuring out what my goals were and starting to reach out for them.
The new year always feels like it’s full of promise. This year is full of something, I’m just not sure promise is the word I would pick. I’ve been thinking about what my next step should be. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know how that will happen at this point. I mean, since I haven’t won the lottery or become independently wealthy, yet. When you’re young and dreaming about what your life is going to be, you have no way of imagining how it’s really going to be. I guess that’s a good thing. How many of us would hang out for the main event if we knew what that event was going to be in actuality?
It’s a good thing to have goals and dreams. So in the meantime, we’ve survived the holidays. It was nice to have Wee Geek and his girlfriend home and we even somehow survived the huge Christmas ordeal complete with the pulverised mashed potatoes that we had to replace with store bought made ones. Luckily in our universe of wonderful convenience, those mashed potatoes are better than any we could ever make. Evidently, we aren’t “those people”. You know, the kind that can make mashed potatoes. Nope, not us. I even survived the holidays being sick most of the holidays. It’s a little disappointing that I only had 2 weeks off and I wasted three quarters of it being sick. Those little crumb crunchers should probably be doused in Lysol at least four times a day just for good measure. Sigh. Where is this life leading? It’s exciting in a way not to know. It’s also a little frightening to know that I took a huge leap of faith and I’m more than a little worried about what is going to happen next. In two months, I’m without a job and possibly with huge amounts of free time on my hands to actually get these books out the door. I am looking forward to that. It more than likely won’t work out that way, something will come up to prevent it, but who knows? Maybe that thing will be another step on the path of this insane life that I have lived. I have starting thinking about documenting some of this insane life. I was asked to contribute to another author’s work who is working on about mom’s with Asperger’s. I’m pretty excited about that. One of the reasons is because it makes me start thinking about how I am going to write about the last ten years of my life. It was such a roller coaster ride from hell, but I feel like it’s important to write about it. I’ve just been waiting for it to stop being the festering wound that I was carrying around. It’s starting to feel a little more scabbed over than it used to. It’s starting to feel like I can let it heal a little. After all, I have Wee Geek and he’s doing well. I get to enjoy the wonderful kid with the great sense of humour every single day. I never hate to worry about whether or not he’s okay and have no way of finding out. It still is such a novelty, but all I have to do is pick up my phone and call him. I love to hear him tell me about his day and what he’s feeling. I love to hear what worries him, what he thinks the world brings for him and what his dreams are.
In more strange talks, we’ve talked about him having kids. He worries about it because he doesn’t want to pass on the Asperger’s. In my universe, these sound like the best kids in the universe. This sounds like a nightmare to him. I know he doesn’t get it. When he was growing up, I was figuring out all of my own Asperger’s stuff and living through a nightmare marriage. I was figuring mine out while figuring his out. It was not the best way of doing it. But we did it, and we got through it. We started with a pretty low diagnosis, but the more that I worked with him and found services for him. It was a scary bit of navigation sometimes, but we managed. When I think about how we started and look at where we’ve ended…I’m preetty proud. I try to make him understand that his kids will have him and me to get them through this crazy life. I try to convince him that there is very little chance of him having kids lower on the spectrum but he just says that he doesn’t trust labels. They lie. I guess they do sometimes, but in reality, it’s a life of no guarantees and I think that the right girl might convince him otherwise.
So dear readers, march bravely into this very cold and crazy year. We’ll get through it together. We always do. Now go forth and use your evil powers for good.

Welcome to my rock star life!


Welcome to my rock star life, fans, friends, enemies, and those of you on the fence with indecision (frenemies)! First of all, I prolly need to mention that the “Dark Souls” book is now out in print and available through the Post Mortem Press website and Amazon. Of course if you want a signed copy and you haven’t reserved one yet, message me with payment instructions or an address to send your already purchased one to for the official signing.
So…it’s making me feel like a rock star that no one’s heard of. I got my author copy last Saturday and let me tell you how exciting and surreal and weird it was. I had just gotten back from seeing my Diamond Boobies in Fort Wayne. I was on the phone with my mom and I reached into the mailbox. When I pulled that envelope out of the mailbox, I squealed and almost dropped it. It was truly awesome to see “Push Button, Get Bacon” on every left hand page of my story and KT Jayne on every right hand side. It felt very surreal. Awesome and terrifying and REAL!
The cover is beautiful. Very scary and fitting. All of the stories are great. Some are weirder than others, some are grosser than others. Some are trying to reinvent the genre. But all of them are very interesting, I promise.
Another bit of news, my son and I went to court this morning. My ex had screwed up his financial aid so bad I thought we’d never get it straightened out in time. I think his evil plan was to keep Kale out of school so he could file to emancipate him. But once again, I stepped in to fix the mess that my ex created. The good news in all this is that I no longer am paying my ex half my paycheck in child support. This is the best part of it all. Of course, it would have been better to see the look on my ex’s face when he saw my son with me, but there was some satisfaction to be gleaned from his lawyer’s face and the fact that she was very upset when my lawyer handed her my son’s schedule and bill for school.
Overall, I’m feeling like a rock star. People are interested in the book and it seems I pick up a new fan everyday. I’ve sold most of my first printing and looking forward to ordering a second. It’s been weird, wonderful, and immensely excited. Stay posted!