No Answers in the Land of the Not Quite Right Today!

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately. I agree with Penelope Trunk that happiness is more about satisfaction than any measure of happiness per se. Here is a link to her blog and she posts about this question fairly often, so you’re sure to happen on one without reading too far in.

After my doctor’s appointment yesterday, I’m still feeling someone frustrated in general because we still have very few answers outside of what’s NOT wrong with me. The lupus panel came back negative, so we are back to square one. Which is we have no idea what’s going on with me. The FNP did have input on it maybe being a severe food or environmental allergy. “All aboard the Here We Go Rollercoaster, first stop Complete Uncertainty followed by Complete Non-Direction and quickly followed by What’s the Next Step? stations. Please keep your hands and head in the car at all times and please do not pull the emergency stop cord as this will completely derail your car and force a do over.”

After having a nice “reflective” chat with my supervisor, I am thinking in all sorts of directions. I’m feeling pretty consistently burnt out lately and I know that it’s because of all of these unknowns in our lives right now. I’m not feeling positive about anything in my life right now and I don’t like being in that place. I think that I need to clear my head out, so I’m thinking of a vacation. Sigh. Maybe the week of the Midwest Writer’s Conference ( will revitalize me in soul and brain.

I feel like I’m surrounded by snipes right now, too. I sometimes hate cube farms. For someone on the spectrum this situation is a giant morass of OMG! and trying to interpret every word/thought/action/etc and how it relates back. I’ve become very withdrawn on a lot of faces, but still trying to stay afloat. I think so much about the possibilities of things lately and where opportunities are leading or not leading. As you can probably tell, dear reader, I’m not feeling like I have many opportunities that are actually leading anywhere.

I haven’t been able to get my brain in gear to write lately, either. Not being creative frustrates me. It always has. So maybe taking a week off to just be creative will help. The Best Buy guy continues to stack things up in my creative rooms, so I can’t even get in there to be creative. I am definitely feeling as if I have no control over anything in my life right now and the things that I do have control over are hit and miss because I have to ration my energy to deal with all the stuff that is out of my control.

Serenity is extremely far away today…..