The Dayjob: A New Concentric Ring of Dante’s Hell

So, my life has been just chock full of frustration with my day job lately. This has been an evolution of my resolve to be a full time writer sooner rather than later. I feel a great deal of frustration with my day job because the management has a very decided lack of ability to communicate. Which becomes scary in epic proportions. The scarier part of the equation is that they are apparently frustrated with my lack of ability to read their fluff filled skulls. It was pointed out to me that I can’t be expected to read what doesn’t exist. I laugh, but in reality it’s not funny at all.

In other news outside of the frustration of my day job on minute by minute basis, I received my first ever rejection. This rejection felt very personal. Mostly because the story that I submitted was something that I started writing from a very scary little part of my soul that I don’t often let see daylight. It’s a piece of me that I protect. We’re not talking put it in a little box and hide it in the darkest part of the closet protect. We are talking wrap it in 10 miles of bubble wrap and monitor all atmospheric and other environmental disturbances to avoid any sort of contact with anything that might possibly cause damage protect. It was about something that I rarely talk about and that when I do deal with it, it is usually with a very dark joke.

So this story sat in infancy on my netbook for a couple of months. I started it in October after finding a very strange photo on a facebook page that brought back memories that were better left dead. I grappled with the memory. I turned it around in my brain for weeks. I wrote a little beginning story for it. Then it sat because the story did not know what it needed to say. Finally, I opened it once more and looked at it. It still did not know what it needed to say to me. So after fooling around with it for a little while, I gave up. Threw my hands up in frustration only slight less than my frustration with my day job and said, “Okay. Fucking write yourself. I’m tired of trying to figure out what you are going to be.”

You know what? It did! It wrote itself. I’m not sure that I would have written that exact story. I was trying to make it something else. What it became was dreadfully delightful. It took a deliciously dark turn that I would not have chosen for that story. I am so happy with that story and the message that it conveys. The message is so much bigger than the story. This is what makes it so great. It came from that place inside of me that holds the biggest anger and is probably the darkest part of me. It was a good place to write from in this instance. One of the veteran authors that I met at the Post Mortem Press Retreat this summer read it, deemed it a “damn good story” and helped me find somewhere else to send it. We’ll see if it pans out.

In my quest to become a full time writer, I’ve resolved to get more things sent out this year. I am also dead determined to get “Land of the Not Quite Right” out the door in the next couple of months. There I wrote it. It has to happen now, right? We’ve had lots of snow days in the land of the not quite right this year. It has been affectionately redubbed “Indianarctica”. We’ve had so many days of below zero weather that I have begun to wonder if Korea and all its lovely Siberian winter winds have transplanted itself. I am not enjoying this winter. I have fought the rheumatoid arthritis aches daily. I have been battling some bizarre inner ear issue that has resulted in 3 trips to the doctor, 3 different rounds of meds, 1 trip to the ENT specialist, 1 CT scan, and one audiology test to see exactly how deaf I am. The results are all still pending. What I do know is that the audiologist suggested a hearing aid. Yay!

For those of you loyal fans who are wondering about Wee Geek, you will be glad to know that he’s hanging in there. He found a new job at McDonald’s because it’s close enough to walk to. He likes it most of the time. He is happier than he has been in a long time. Of course, the test is his interaction with management and things there are not too good. He cannot control his temper all the time and he does not suffer stupidity well. Lucky for him management is full of that stuff. Lucky him that he’s too much like his mother. Poor kid. He’s doing what lots of other mid-20’s Asperger’s kids are doing. Floundering. Wondering what their place in the world really is. I keep telling him that it will get better and he will figure it out, but he just feels stuck and that is hard. I tell him to hang in there and have faith. It takes huge amounts of faith to get from that place to where you feel like you belong and are doing what you should be doing. There is no other way.

In the meantime, I’ve been working on lots of short stories. I have quite a file of them going right now. I hope some of them come out and write something of themselves. My promise to myself for this year was to submit more stuff. I’ve already done that. So now I just want to get “Land of the Not Quite Right” out the door soon and maybe start working on “Boller County Secrets” or the “Mothman Chronicles”. One is closer to being finished than the other. I suppose that hatred of the day job will fuel me along the path of that. It’s been amazing to have made so many connections with other authors and I am finding lots of encouragement in seeing that we all have the same struggles and that is good. It means that no matter where I’m at in the process, that there will still be struggles.

Oh, before I let you go back to your lives, I will say that I did sign up for a conference that I’m really excited about. It’s just in Ohio, but I think it’ll be great and with lots of authors that I admire and have found some great advice in.

Until next time, I swear that I will get better at this writerly life and get more blogs down this year. I’ll keep you posted on the progress of things.