Welcome To My Nightmare Roller Coaster Ride To Hell and Back

My faithful darlings, here we are once again. You my faithful reader and me needing to vent because life sucks in general sometimes, and I seem to have a somewhat captive if not compelled audience. So this week has been full of some interesting highlights. Went to Chicago for a conference for work. Got my very first story, “Push Button, Get Bacon” read by the indomitable Nelson Pyles on his podcst the Wicked Library. Which you can follow this link to. 


A few years ago, one of my first blog posts way back when was my first exposure to working in a cube farm and working out social issues. I’m at it again. Working in a new office and trying to figure out the social bullshit. I feel very overwhelmed with it most days. You will note, that I figured it out way back then. I’m feeling less confident that I will figure out this new situation. It is full of people who don’t communicate and who communicate in very cryptic ways. I thought I was at least keeping my head above the water until yesterday.

I have to imagine the conversation that happened before this. The assistant director, the director, and the HR person all on the phone (conference call, of course). “Well, you know, she said something very weird last week.”

“What was that?”

“Well, she said that she writes zombie stories so that she doesn’t have to eat the real children.”

Just think about that for a minute. I’ll pause while you let that sink in. Got it?

Okay. So then I get yanked into a sit down with the director and the HR person where another odd conversation takes place. Much odder than the one that they are “not officially writing you up” for.

“It’s come to our attention that you have some outside activities. We’ve found out you write zombie stories.”

I’m thinking, yeah, big fucking secret. I have zombies plastered all over my facebook page, my author page and I freaking put it on my resume that I’m a published author. When asked in the interview, I told them. Apparently the problem comes when someone asked me why I write THOSE kind of stories. My normal smartass whydoyouasksuchfuckingstupidquestions response is because I work with preschoolers all day. Zombies love preschoolers, taste like chicken.

“So, someone told us that when asked you said that you write zombie stories so that you don’t have to eat real children.”

Are you letting that sink in? Did no one’s ridiculous button go off here? I mean, seriously? You are pulling me in here to talk to me about whether or not I might eat children?! We are talking about the fucking zombie apocalypse and that I might eat a child?!!!

I was flabbergasted. I know, that in typical autiezombiegirl style, my face went completely blank while my brain was trying to cope with the overwhelming astronomical amount of freaking stupidity involved with this. So they ask me if I understand. I nod. Then they ask me if I have any questions. I shake my head no. Then they ask me if I’m okay. I ask to leave. Later, my boss has the audacity to come in trying to joke with me. When they just told me that people with senses of humour are not allowed in our workplace.

I don’t know. I guess I’m just getting to the point where I no longer care enough about separating all these little personas that I have to carry out. I can put on my work brain and go to work every day, but there is a tiny piece of that work brain that wants to just stay home and write all day every day. I’m starting to make some headway with this and I really want to do this. I think I’m good and if The Wicked Library and the publisher and most people that have read my stuff are any indication at all, then maybe just maybe I have a chance. I want to write. I want to have purple hair. I want to not worry about anyone else’s cryptic communication. This wasn’t my first dance at the HR Rodeo because I’m weird. It won’t be my last. It makes me increasingly unhappy to have people point out that I’m weird in a bad way, because I’m not. I’m weird in exactly the right way for me. So I resent anyone who does not appreciate my uniqueness. I struggle with this.

So, go listen to the podcast of “Push Button, Get Bacon”. It’s on iTunes and Stitcher Radio. The Wicked Library. Just goes to show that my life is truly yin and yang. I get this great podcast out and I have trouble at work. Sigh……