Winter has hit the Land of the Not Quite Right….Finally


It’s a little late. But Winter has finally hit the land of the not quite right. Amazingly enough. We are frozen more than solid and it’s colder than if hell had given up its lease and became a Fridgidaire dealership. It was inevitable and bound to happen, I suppose.

All things are frozen in the Land of the Not Quite Right. The C-Span wars have temporarily been suspended. Only after reminding the Best Buy guy that I know where we keep the sharp things. There were some comments made about my touchiness over the telly, but in reality, I just don’t see the point in flipping the channel every time there’s a commercial and then I end up missing half the show I was watching. It’s stupid. I have damn few other things in the universe that I actually enjoy, why work so freaking hard to take those things away from me? It feels very counter productive. Of course, the BB guy’s standing mode of operation has been that it’s so much easier to piss off the one that you live with, you only have to live with her after all. Stupidity runs rampantly through my house some days.

Wee Geek is somewhat more on kilter. He went back to work for one. So he’s feeling somewhat more on schedule now. People just don’t get how important those little bits of stability are in the world of Asperger’s. We thrive on those little schedules that we build into our lives and we have to have them. We don’t always like them and occasionally we even work at odds against them, but we desperately need them to function. Wee Geek is no exception and the constant stress that has been so wonderfully provided by his asshole father in the last few months has not helped at all. People on the spectrum cannot function with their brains in constant stress. It’s not kind to our systems. Wee Geek isn’t holding up as well as I want him to but he’s also doing much better than I ever expected. I just keep giving him little bits and keep trying to keep him focused on the big picture goals of the universe. The big picture of this entire thing is that he is giong to make it through this and when he is done, it will point it in the direction of what his next step should be.

I have some faith in the universe that this is the way things operate. Everything happens for some reason and we are always pointed in the direction of the path we should be on. Some times we veer off the path and take a different road for awhile. Mainly when we know that’s the road and we are trying to avoid it. I avoided the road that I’m now on for 20 years. Part of it was trying to avoid admitting to myself what I was. Avoiding that I was different and still dreaming about being “normal” or at least fitting in. Pipe dreams are wonderful things, but rarely come to fruition. Part of it was not dealing with what my true talent in life is and swimming in it. I have quite a few talents, but there are some things that I am so much more amazingly good at and that I should just stick with.

I have faith that Wee Geek knows his talents and that he will go with them. I am trying to guide him in that direction so that he doesn’t waste 20 years looking for his way back on the road. It’s a very demented yellow brick road phenomena. As he grows, I realise that the destiny I ws always meant for was to guide him on a path that did not mirror my own. My path sucked and it was long and hard and filled with lots of unnecessary side steps. I want his road to be easier. But then again, he’s a spectrum kid and it is almost inevitable that it will not be. Sucks to be a spectrum kid sometimes.

He was also very upset when his dad didn’t even bother to message him on his birthday. He feels so utterly abandoned and there is nothing that I can do to make that feel better at all. His dad has forever used him to get back at me for whatever the current imagined injustice he is harbouring and now he is no longer useful. Wee Geek is very cognizant of this and it weighs on his conciousness very heavily, I think. I try to keep his head up and he does too. He constantly says that his dad told him he’d never be able to survive on his own because he was such a huge pathetic loser, but he’s doing it. That’s a really big deal. Especially for him. I just keep pumping him up and telling him how proud I am of him. It’s very sad when your relationship with someone is based solely on power. It’s sad when you use that power to make them feel like they don’t deserve to live. Even worse when you use that power to make them think that they are nothing without you. I’m so glad that Wee Geek stood up for himself and showed that he could do things without his dad hanging over his shoulder and belittling him.

Wee Geek did post something about his dad not bothering to tell him happy birthday on face book and got a huge backlash from his dad’s wife’s family. Boy, does he have them snowballed. I wish I had the money that all this super villian-dom should be affording me. He actually has them all believing that he’s some great guy. Wee Geek was told that if he would just apologise to his dad and move back home then all would be forgiven. What a crock of crap! What does my son have to be apologetic for except for having an ass for a father? Why should he apologise for being a victim of a sociopathic whach job. If his dad his so freaking great, why isn’t he doing his part of the job? The backlash of all of this, of course, is that his dad will then run around playing the victim about how unfair it is that he has to pay for all this stuff. If he’d let the case switch to Ohio, this wouldn’t have been an issue. I have such nasty and hateful words in my reportoir for that judge. My kid never gets to come out ahead on anything.

The good news is that I started remapping the zombie story last week and today…miracle upon miracle…but prolly more attributable to the fact that I rarely throw anything away and because electronic files take so much less space than real things…well, I have saved it indefinitely because I’m a collector and I can’t bear things to disappear. I knew that there was a good chance that the electronic file was still somewhere. I tried the netbook and of course, I had transferred it because of the netbook’s little memory. I haven’t invested in an external drive, yet. I suppose that will have to be my next big purchase for the author branding. And a tablet. In the interest of rambling, I found the files and got them printed. I now have printed copies of both zombie novels. Now, the decision remains whether they should remain two novels or become one good super novel.

I’m fueled by the posting on Zombie Fiend this week that 2012 is the year of the girl zombie author. What better girl to put a notch on that title than your very own Autie Zombie Girl? Well, no one of course. I will be making some of those decisions this week, I think. I really am excited about getting back into the rewriting/editing part of this. I really want this novel out the door in the next few weeks. Unfortuneately, my job is not conducive to thinking when I get home. I usually just want to veg out and do nothing. Lately I’ve been doing cross stitch again. And watching Netflix. Not productive on the whole, but relaxing.

When I figure out what path the zombie novel is taking, I will report. In the meantime, use your evil powers for good.

Book signings and mall people


It’s been a long holiday season. Halloween was busy and Thanksgiving was it’s usual nightmare. The third printing of “Dead Souls” is still hanging about so if you haven’t gotten one, there is still hope for you.

So I’ve had several interesting things happen. I went to see John Elder Robison author of “Look me in the eye” and “Be different” speak in Indy in November. It was awesome. John is a typical Asperger’s guy in a lot of ways, but once he gets to talking, he is extremely full of wonderful personal experience that he truly enjoys sharing.  The very best part of John’s talk was that he was willing to talk to people forever afterward and share all of the pictures from concerts and circuses that he had taken and put on his Ipad.  He also took a copy of “Dead Souls” and read it on the plane back to DC with a tiny Facebook shout out to your favourite autistic zombie girl.

Then there was the general and usual nightmare of Thanksgiving that I barely circumvented by threatening to go to a hotel to write uninterrupted all day if the Best Buy guy didn’t act at least a tiny bit sane. This tactic seems to have worked well I may try it again in the future. Maybe as early as Christmas. Of course I had to laugh when I told my husband I was going to a hotel because of how crazy he acts and he said that the wee geek was invited. Imagine my son was invited for a holiday celebration. Wow! It was almost as if he wouldn’t have been invited to begin with. Alas, the wee geek was at his girlfriend’s for Thanksgiving.

So things went smoothly for a little bit even though we can’t seem to get the asshole ex back to court yo do his part for wee geek. Just like always for him. If he’s not getting anything from it (mainly collecting half my pay check) then he doesn’t want to deal.

So onward we march. I have done two events at our local mall in the past couple of months. So I’ve been people watching quite a bit. It’s interesting. Seems about 80% of the traffic in the mall consists of mall walkers and older people just leaving church. Not much market for zombie books. However we are seeing some efforts to once again nurture our little art community here in dipshitville. At least this time we are seeing some interest in other creative arts not just traditional paint and canvas and jewelry. We’ve had local authors and musicians, too. Which when we are talking about nurturing creative communities we must talk about all creative input, not just what we think of as traditional creativity. Art is so many things and without the wonderful brains of artists, our lives would be very boring indeed.

NaNo is finally over and this year’s 50,000 words proved to be very difficult even with the improvement of having the Scrivener software. I also had 3 complete days of being as sick as a dog that did nothing to help my word count at all. The ideas that I generated about how things were going to go in this new novel definitely evolved and the editing and complete rewriting will really be fantastic I think. It went in a little different direction than I expected, but I’m still excited about the possibilities of it.

Back to mall watching. I know that we all must pay our dues in getting things off the ground, but it sometimes makes me very grouchy. I did technically make my booth rent, but it was very hard to sit still for two days and take that much time out of writing or finishing Christmas up.  I am trying to think if it as getting the AutieZombieGirl brand out there. The Best Buy guy is very confused about the idea of branding in general. I just realize that you must have something to gear the business itself. Hence AZG has been born.

We also had to run a new car down to the wee geek on Thursday. His blew up and we bought a new one from my in laws. Well an old one, but new for him. It was a huge hassle and a never ending series of unfortunate events. The first occurred about an hour and a half into the trip when I made the mistake of running into a gas station bathroom to pee and locked my phone in the car. I had a set of keys in my hand that did not open the door. Finally the owner was able to open it. Not before having a huge meltdown with the BB guy who was completely not getting the direness of the situation. On the road again, we were able to get the old car towed after being shaken down by the tow truck driver. Wee geek made money on the seats and then on the car. So he was happy and able to give money to gramma for his car, too. On the way home, 275 was a freaking parking lot and it took 2 hours to go 2 miles. We got off and ate with the BB guy bitching and whining all the way. His attitude didn’t really help. It just always seems that when it’s his kids, we can never go too far, but the tiniest things are huge inconveniences for mine. And we can never do enough for not kid. I wish I understood the driving forces behind the male penis occasionally.  I will never know, though.

So, dear reader, I will leave you with all these wonderful jumbled up thoughts.  Make of them what you will and as always, use your evil powers for good!

Welcome to my rock star life!


Welcome to my rock star life, fans, friends, enemies, and those of you on the fence with indecision (frenemies)! First of all, I prolly need to mention that the “Dark Souls” book is now out in print and available through the Post Mortem Press website and Amazon. Of course if you want a signed copy and you haven’t reserved one yet, message me with payment instructions or an address to send your already purchased one to for the official signing.
So…it’s making me feel like a rock star that no one’s heard of. I got my author copy last Saturday and let me tell you how exciting and surreal and weird it was. I had just gotten back from seeing my Diamond Boobies in Fort Wayne. I was on the phone with my mom and I reached into the mailbox. When I pulled that envelope out of the mailbox, I squealed and almost dropped it. It was truly awesome to see “Push Button, Get Bacon” on every left hand page of my story and KT Jayne on every right hand side. It felt very surreal. Awesome and terrifying and REAL!
The cover is beautiful. Very scary and fitting. All of the stories are great. Some are weirder than others, some are grosser than others. Some are trying to reinvent the genre. But all of them are very interesting, I promise.
Another bit of news, my son and I went to court this morning. My ex had screwed up his financial aid so bad I thought we’d never get it straightened out in time. I think his evil plan was to keep Kale out of school so he could file to emancipate him. But once again, I stepped in to fix the mess that my ex created. The good news in all this is that I no longer am paying my ex half my paycheck in child support. This is the best part of it all. Of course, it would have been better to see the look on my ex’s face when he saw my son with me, but there was some satisfaction to be gleaned from his lawyer’s face and the fact that she was very upset when my lawyer handed her my son’s schedule and bill for school.
Overall, I’m feeling like a rock star. People are interested in the book and it seems I pick up a new fan everyday. I’ve sold most of my first printing and looking forward to ordering a second. It’s been weird, wonderful, and immensely excited. Stay posted!

Welcome to my surreal autistic life


The last three weeks of my life has been a sort of disconcerting fairy tale. It feels as if I put in some sort of order for dreams to come true and some demented little Santa’s elf decided to make it all happen at once.
Things with my son have been progressing wonderfully. The more time that we are together, the less time that we seem to have been apart. We are slowly getting his pieces back into place and making sure that he can continue to go to school. It looks as if he will probably have to take out a loan to pay for his first semester of this year himself, and then we will have to argue in court about how his dad is going to have to pay him back. The saddest part of all this is that while it was benefitting my ex to be getting money from me that was in no way helping my son (who apparently was paying most of his expenses himself) and that while Indiana was busy letting this numbskull judge stick it to me even though the income gap between us is in excess of $75,000 a year, they are actually entertaining the idea that my ex may be able to emancipate my son so that he won’t have to pay for any of his school.
It’s another abuse in the system that he has been able to take advantage of from the start. In what other universe would a man who has a long and fairly documented history of domestic violence be allowed to continue that abuse through the court. He has been allowed to claim to the judge that he was in fear of his life. I know, we’ve all seen the horror movie where the 150 pound autistic crazy woman murdered a 350+ pound man in pure vengeance. What? You haven’t seen that one? Well, I haven’t either.
He has been allowed to claim that I am crazy and that I caused my son to be mentally ill and think he’s autistic which we all know is one of the worst mental illnesses out there. Oh, wait. It’s a neurological diversity. Not a mental illness. Never mind that I am considered an expert in the field of autism in my area. It’s just crazy to think that I might actually know the signs and might actually have a little bit of expertise in knowing when a kid is on the spectrum (autie-dar completely ignored here). Never mind that I trained with some of the top experts in the state. I am so obviously crazy just because my ex-husband says so in court and therefore makes it law.
Now, the second part of my dreamlike life going terribly askew. I know, you are thinking that I have it all. Great marriage to Best Buy guy of my dreams, great kid…what else could possibly go right? Well, I am now published.
Scary I know. It’s a little publishing house out of Cincinnati that I met down at the Days of the Dead convention. But it’s a short story in an anthology called “Dead Souls”. It’s amazing. Out on Kindle already. We are anxiously awaiting the print release so we can actually hold it in our hands and know that it is true. I will blog more about it and it’s amazing growth later. Stay posted.