How to Care for your Autistic Child and Other Stories of Neglect

I’m so amazingly frustrated today.  Seriously.  Wee Geek took a day off and drove 6 hours round trip to go to court and not see the judge. Actually I took a day off to go to court and sit outside while the lawyers talked. Why they can’t do this over the phone without my sitting out in the lobby, I have no idea. Apparently my ex’s whore lawyer can’t solve problems this way.  Of course, my ex didn’t show up again.  The problems in this are unbelievable.

Wee Geek gets pulled out of school for not paying the last $1000 dollars because his dad’s lawyer stalls us out of court for 6 months and now we owe $3600.  The school gives him F’s for the two classes that he was trying to complete. Now the ex’s thing is that he shouldn’t have to help with Wee Geek. Oh, my other favourite part is that now that I’m involved with him again, he’s failing again. He’s failing because his dad screwed with his head and wouldn’t help with his school.

The bottom line is that we have a child with a disability and a mental illness. I’m sorry that my stupid ex-husband can’t admit this and deal with it. I’m sorry that he wants to blame all of this on me, but this is reality. I’m not being mean, I’m being honest. My ex made the problems that Wee Geek has worse than ever. The child feels guilty that I bought him a pair of jeans for heaven’s sake!  His dad made him feel worthless whenever he asked for help and now he’s afraid to do it.  He’s afraid to take any kind of help from anyone because his dad made him feel like everything must be paid for.

There are so many reasons to be mad at Wee Geek’s dad. He told this kid for 4 years that he was worthless and had potential to be a loser and that he would never be successful. Now he works double hard to make sure he fails.  What kind of parent tries to insure the failure of his child? He made Wee Geek feel like like he wasn’t worthy of anything and made him feel guilty for asking for things. It’s just ridiculous.  Wee Geek showed me Facebook messages from his dad that were little else but extortion attempts. He told him that he would have to pay back the parent plus loans that he took out for Wee Geek’s school.  He’s always been this way. He only wanted to be a parent when it was convenient for him and he never thought he should have to help pay for things. He’s a moron.

Wee Geek and I had to have another talk about telling me the truth and not telling me what he thinks I want to hear. It’s ridiculous, but I guess when you know that his dad beat the hell out of him whether or not he told the truth, it makes sense that he doesn’t.  It’s just sad and makes it hard to deal with him sometimes.  Wee Geek is starting to learn that I’m trying to act in his best interest. We had too talk about the importance of staying consistent with his meds again. He’s decided to drop the ADD med and go back to just the mood balancer. I told him that was a good decision. He thought I’d be upset. I’m more upset that he’s put me through this freaking roller coaster from hell the last few months.

So while I struggle to try and figure out why my ex husband is such a jackass, my kid is left hanging in the wind trying to figure out his whole life. He shouldn’t be in this position. I guess I should have picked a better dad for him. Of course, you never know that they are going to become jackasses until they do, do you?  I get so angry thinking that they caused these problems and that they may get off the hook again.  I get so angry that they continually seem to pat him on the back and excuse his bad behaviour. I get so angry that Wee Geek and I are once again cleaning up some fucked up mess that his father invented.  Now as much as I enjoy playing momma, I sure as hell don’t want to do it for my careless ex.

Wee Geek and I do not feel the entire day was wasted.  We were able to talk about a few things.  Mainly how he feels about his dad.  He is very angry about the way that his dad and stepmother treated him. He’s very angry that they lied to him so much. He is particularly upset that they made him think that I didn’t care about him and that I wasn’t helping in any way.

It feels as if they spent all this time trying to poison his brain. They definitely used his meds to control him and make him docile. He resents that they pretty much ignored him after they had their own kid. He resents that they used everything he cared about to try and control him. They certainly used it to abuse him.  He is so confused about so many things.  Not confused in a bad way, but confused in that all the people he was supposed to be able to count on, betrayed him so immensely. He should be able to count on his dad to do the right thing and show him how to be a man. All he did was learn that he doesn’t want to be the kind of man his dad is.

So, he is somewhat straightened out again. Doctor’s appointment on Friday with meds. Changing address at school. He’s going to call Cincy Children’s to get his diagnosis evaluated so that someone in Ohio will recognise it.  It’s just so frustrated with all of the cuts in everyone’s budgets that kids like Wee Geek are slipping through the cracks again.  Few people understand what it really means to have a child as wonderful as Wee Geek with his unique problems as well.

I think that both Wee Geek and I are fine with the idea of him washing his hands of Wee Geek. We just don’t think that he should be able to not be financially responsible for him. It’s not fair. The best part of this whole thing is that Wee Geek isn’t really even upset that his dad is doing this shit to him. He’s more upset that his dad is putting me through all this stress. It sucks.  I hate that Wee Geek feels abandoned. I hate that Wee Geek cannot have a relationship with his father.  I want him to have a relationship with him. I just want it to be on Wee Geek’s terms.  I hate that the only way to have a relationship with his dad is to do everything his way and everything he says.  This is no way to have a relationship with anyone.

Wee Geek is coming to just hang out for a couple days next week when he’s on vacation.  I’m glad he wants to come home and just hang out. I’m glad he’s such a good kid. I’m sad he’s got a jackass for a dad.

Sigh.  Thanks so much ex husband for completely neglecting your kid. It’s one thing to not recognise that he has problems. But it’s something completely different to neglect him out of complete jackassery. I get that you don’t want to deal with the kid now that he’s out of high school and you can’t collect child support for him or steal his paychecks. I get that it’s no fun to have to be responsible for a kid. But seriously? He’s still your responsibility whether you want it or not. You can’t change the fact that he is still your kid.

It is an awesome responsibility to be a parent. You must always keep in the back of your mind that you are the model for that child.  It’s worse to be the same sex parent as that child. I feel like that is even more awesome a responsibility. Because you must ever be mindful that there is a chance your child will grow up just like you. After all, Wee Geek’s dad is just like his dad. I hope that Wee Geek changes this awful cycle.  There are crazy studies about how kids who grow up in abusive homes continue that cycle of abuse.  I can’t imagine wanting nothing better for your child.

Even the Best Buy guy feels sorry for Wee Geek in all of this. I think we all feel that if we weren’t living this crap every day, that it would be too unbelievable to imagine.

All I can do is hope that this resolves itself in some way for Wee Geek’s best interest.  It seems like whenever I act in Wee Geek’s best interest, I get screwed.  Maybe I should just be a selfish prick like my ex and things would work out better for me.

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