Winter has hit the Land of the Not Quite Right….Finally


It’s a little late. But Winter has finally hit the land of the not quite right. Amazingly enough. We are frozen more than solid and it’s colder than if hell had given up its lease and became a Fridgidaire dealership. It was inevitable and bound to happen, I suppose.

All things are frozen in the Land of the Not Quite Right. The C-Span wars have temporarily been suspended. Only after reminding the Best Buy guy that I know where we keep the sharp things. There were some comments made about my touchiness over the telly, but in reality, I just don’t see the point in flipping the channel every time there’s a commercial and then I end up missing half the show I was watching. It’s stupid. I have damn few other things in the universe that I actually enjoy, why work so freaking hard to take those things away from me? It feels very counter productive. Of course, the BB guy’s standing mode of operation has been that it’s so much easier to piss off the one that you live with, you only have to live with her after all. Stupidity runs rampantly through my house some days.

Wee Geek is somewhat more on kilter. He went back to work for one. So he’s feeling somewhat more on schedule now. People just don’t get how important those little bits of stability are in the world of Asperger’s. We thrive on those little schedules that we build into our lives and we have to have them. We don’t always like them and occasionally we even work at odds against them, but we desperately need them to function. Wee Geek is no exception and the constant stress that has been so wonderfully provided by his asshole father in the last few months has not helped at all. People on the spectrum cannot function with their brains in constant stress. It’s not kind to our systems. Wee Geek isn’t holding up as well as I want him to but he’s also doing much better than I ever expected. I just keep giving him little bits and keep trying to keep him focused on the big picture goals of the universe. The big picture of this entire thing is that he is giong to make it through this and when he is done, it will point it in the direction of what his next step should be.

I have some faith in the universe that this is the way things operate. Everything happens for some reason and we are always pointed in the direction of the path we should be on. Some times we veer off the path and take a different road for awhile. Mainly when we know that’s the road and we are trying to avoid it. I avoided the road that I’m now on for 20 years. Part of it was trying to avoid admitting to myself what I was. Avoiding that I was different and still dreaming about being “normal” or at least fitting in. Pipe dreams are wonderful things, but rarely come to fruition. Part of it was not dealing with what my true talent in life is and swimming in it. I have quite a few talents, but there are some things that I am so much more amazingly good at and that I should just stick with.

I have faith that Wee Geek knows his talents and that he will go with them. I am trying to guide him in that direction so that he doesn’t waste 20 years looking for his way back on the road. It’s a very demented yellow brick road phenomena. As he grows, I realise that the destiny I ws always meant for was to guide him on a path that did not mirror my own. My path sucked and it was long and hard and filled with lots of unnecessary side steps. I want his road to be easier. But then again, he’s a spectrum kid and it is almost inevitable that it will not be. Sucks to be a spectrum kid sometimes.

He was also very upset when his dad didn’t even bother to message him on his birthday. He feels so utterly abandoned and there is nothing that I can do to make that feel better at all. His dad has forever used him to get back at me for whatever the current imagined injustice he is harbouring and now he is no longer useful. Wee Geek is very cognizant of this and it weighs on his conciousness very heavily, I think. I try to keep his head up and he does too. He constantly says that his dad told him he’d never be able to survive on his own because he was such a huge pathetic loser, but he’s doing it. That’s a really big deal. Especially for him. I just keep pumping him up and telling him how proud I am of him. It’s very sad when your relationship with someone is based solely on power. It’s sad when you use that power to make them feel like they don’t deserve to live. Even worse when you use that power to make them think that they are nothing without you. I’m so glad that Wee Geek stood up for himself and showed that he could do things without his dad hanging over his shoulder and belittling him.

Wee Geek did post something about his dad not bothering to tell him happy birthday on face book and got a huge backlash from his dad’s wife’s family. Boy, does he have them snowballed. I wish I had the money that all this super villian-dom should be affording me. He actually has them all believing that he’s some great guy. Wee Geek was told that if he would just apologise to his dad and move back home then all would be forgiven. What a crock of crap! What does my son have to be apologetic for except for having an ass for a father? Why should he apologise for being a victim of a sociopathic whach job. If his dad his so freaking great, why isn’t he doing his part of the job? The backlash of all of this, of course, is that his dad will then run around playing the victim about how unfair it is that he has to pay for all this stuff. If he’d let the case switch to Ohio, this wouldn’t have been an issue. I have such nasty and hateful words in my reportoir for that judge. My kid never gets to come out ahead on anything.

The good news is that I started remapping the zombie story last week and today…miracle upon miracle…but prolly more attributable to the fact that I rarely throw anything away and because electronic files take so much less space than real things…well, I have saved it indefinitely because I’m a collector and I can’t bear things to disappear. I knew that there was a good chance that the electronic file was still somewhere. I tried the netbook and of course, I had transferred it because of the netbook’s little memory. I haven’t invested in an external drive, yet. I suppose that will have to be my next big purchase for the author branding. And a tablet. In the interest of rambling, I found the files and got them printed. I now have printed copies of both zombie novels. Now, the decision remains whether they should remain two novels or become one good super novel.

I’m fueled by the posting on Zombie Fiend this week that 2012 is the year of the girl zombie author. What better girl to put a notch on that title than your very own Autie Zombie Girl? Well, no one of course. I will be making some of those decisions this week, I think. I really am excited about getting back into the rewriting/editing part of this. I really want this novel out the door in the next few weeks. Unfortuneately, my job is not conducive to thinking when I get home. I usually just want to veg out and do nothing. Lately I’ve been doing cross stitch again. And watching Netflix. Not productive on the whole, but relaxing.

When I figure out what path the zombie novel is taking, I will report. In the meantime, use your evil powers for good.

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