Welcome to Asperger’s Land

Well, here we all are.  It’s been a weird and wacky last few weeks.  I have actually found a new job.  Kinna exciting.  I’m liking it and trying to fit in desperately. I’ll let you know if that ever happens.  Don’t hold your breath.

Now, I’ve been doing lots of thinking about all the various things in life that tend to throw it upside down and make it seem like I should prolly go home and hide under the covers again.

The world has not changed. Wee Geek turned 18 at the beginning of January and nothing has changed.  I didn’t think that it would, but I guess I was holding out some demented and heartfelt little hope that it would.  As if it could be magically better after all that’s happened. 

The main reason I’m in here today after almost a month is that I’m sure that I will be going to jail again on Wednesday.  I’m pretty sure that I won’t have the paperwork that they want and that they’ll just see it as a blantant disregard.  I’m not being purposefully resistant, but I don’t see what choice I have when you look at the events that have happened in the last few years.  I very much do not believe that justice is anything but deaf, dumb, blind and unable to understand the simplest piece of logic.

Mazaria tells me that my course of action should be to sit and not say a word. She thinks I should refuse to talk even if asked a question.  After all, they don’t listen to me anyway, what’s the point.  I’m tempted to go to court in duct tape and handcuffs, just to teach them a lesson.  Alas, I’m sure that would be considered insolence as well.  So….I sit here with this certainty with no plan as to how to fix it. 

My lawyer has bailed again.  The Best Buy guy is very worried that this spells the end.  I just don’t think it was helping much to start with.  I still went to jail, I still owe more money than I should.  I am still getting fucked on an extremely more than regular basis by my ex husband, and life is not good there.

The good thing about the lawyer bailing is that I just don’t care.  I mean, it just didn’t make any sense to care and get all upset. The Best Buy guy seems to think that I should be running around in a panic.  But in reality, it’s more of a feeling of, well, they were still getting away with murder, so there is no need for a lawyer to witness this travesty.  So, after meeting with the lawyer who agrees that I am no better off with one than without one, but still wants $6000 anyway, I wonder…WTF?!

I’m stunned.  Redeemed, though, too because I told the BB guy that it wouldn’t make any difference what I did.  I think he needed to hear it from the lawyer, though.  That I was going to be fucked no matter which way I turned.  So, here we sit wondering if we’re having court on Wednesday or not.  Dreading that I’ve been drowning in paperwork all day and I’m going to have to go home and wade through some more paperwork, so I’m feeling underwater completely.  I cannot even tread water anymore. So, the only question that really remains is….gold shoes or red?

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